🏛️Library of Alexandria🏛️

August 1, 2025 at 3:58 pm

When I was a child, I was very imaginative. This carried into adulthood too. I would imagine other worlds, an entire different universe where I was the main character, but also learned lessons through the adventures, grew with friends, and realized how even when you have the ability to control and fight for the justice of the world, you will still never make everyone happy.

Then when I was in my early teens, I saw an ad for the “Natural Cures” book by Kevin Trudeau. I thought, there’s no way the world is like this, right? That they have people making foods and cures illegal? The thing is though, he was right. He was also a scam artist in a way, he wanted to sell you books that told you nothing.

It was like he was luring people in with the truth about the world and the industry, but also his product was absolute bunk. It’s like you were expecting a book thinking, “This should be good.” Then the book ended up being an advertisement to their website. They wanted people to read the book, get curious, then go, “Wait this didn’t tell me much” and then have people pay for the website to get the “real information.”

I was in a mindset to believe everything and anything at this point in my life. God? Magic? All possible, but I never experienced it. Maybe I just lacked the knowledge? Maybe it’s hidden?

Then I Googled Kevin Trudeau, and what came up was a SWIFT article from James Randi (RIP brother!)

James Randi talked about how Kevin Trudeau would exaggerate the reality of his claims, while trying to scam people into buying a book that told you absolutely nothing.

Then he mentioned the massive tax fraud, and just general scummiest of the man.

However, it wasn’t about if Kevin Trudeau was right or not about his initial claims… It was more so how I didn’t see the other perspective of people I saw on TV before. I would see people on TV, and think even though they were greedy, they were genuinely trying to help people with their books and knowledge. It didn’t pass by me that, I could have been fooled. By that man. Not because he may have been on to something, but more so he used and lured people’s curiosity about things we don’t fully understand or have control over, against us… to sell his bunk book.

This somehow blew my mind, and I began to grow fascinated by James Randi. There were pictures of him on his website, and he looked like this very trustworthy, kind, bearded old man. He wasn’t mean, or violent. But he had a sense of zeal to him. Zest. Justice.

I started looking into him, and how he battled against people who claimed to have supernatural or metaphysical abilities… BUT… never once demonstrated that they actually worked.

Here’s the thing about James Randi, that was core, but I also missed it, because I was too having a revelation about how the world works and how our perception of reality could be changed, altered, or manipulated. He taught that, as he was a magician who worked with some of the best in history.

For the next 25 years of my life, I made it my mission to never just take anything at face value. Why should I? It seems that people would lie and manipulate all the time. That’s how I viewed the world, because that’s what would constantly happen to me.

I even would lie to myself, as a defense mechanism, because all that I’ve been through and all that I’ve done in life, was so shameful that telling the truth at this point didn’t feel like relief, it felt like I’d be dooming myself.

I didn’t know for a FACT if God existed. I hoped, but I was still in the mindset of “grounding myself.” To keep from drifting away into fantasy and dreams.

But I didn’t learn to integrate them as skills, I repressed them, and the only way I would express them was to myself, in my mind. I’ve got an entire book, TV series, book plot idea that would SELL. That people would WATCH. That would fascinate people, because I’m surprised I came up with it and it fascinates me!

But the best part of it is that the lore I created? I later found out after my Spiritual Awakening… that the mythos I created wasn’t too far off from how reality works and was created, or at least our part in the story at least.

That doesn’t scare me. That comforts me. That means that what is happening to me now, is not fantasy or delusion… but an actual process and experience that IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, in both reality, and conceptual reality.

I went through life trying to understand the claims people have made through life, and seeing them as childish. God? Magic? Witchcraft? Evil? Satan? What!?

I would watch shows like “The Atheist Experience” and listen to Matt Dillahunty scream at people who would pose moronic questions about science and how reality works… While they firmly believed in God, but would have poor arguments for it.

I would debate people on YouTube, and watch their homemade videos. The Amazing Atheist, Richard Coughlan (Coughlan666, Brother Neuro), Brett Keane, Yokeup (Briefly, he’s lost to time I think.), VenomFangX, Desertphile, etc.

There was a period of time where YouTube wasn’t about influencers, where people would brand them, and worship them because they were earning money. YouTube barely had a monetization system that made any sense yet, so it wasn’t about money at the time… it was about seeking an audience for beliefs and thoughts that you wanted to understand. That you wanted to get to know WHY other people thought what they did. Knew what they knew.

I learned a lot in my time, but it wasn’t about religion, or gaining any new information. It was about trying to UNDERSTAND where people were coming from. Why they would say these things. If they were lying. If they genuinely believed or wanted to start a cult. If they thought they were doing it out of ego, or out of repeating dogma and being indoctrinated and programmed.

Eventually, I ended up having my Spiritual Awakening, and everything changed. All the love for life returned. Not because I gained any special abilities (except for experiencing knowledge and “wholeness” from God and Truth) but because I had something to look forward to again. I had hope that everything would be alright in the end. Then if it wouldn’t be, then that’s an exciting mystery because why allow and let us exist, if eventually you’ll just send us away somewhere, or torture us, or whatever they want to push who “God” is to you that may not be true.

But it became exciting, because while I know God exists and other people know and have similar experiences… It’s a secret to everybody. It’s like everyone knows, but doesn’t speak of it. There are rules if you do know, and if you don’t know, you’re not meant to know… yet.

A truly divine “need to know” basis, and I was given just enough that I legitimately needed to call it a miracle and turning point in my life, on how I view myself, others, and life and existence.

The thing is, I’ve always been like that, I just happened to forget. It was like my passion for being so skeptical and critical, didn’t allow me to piece together all the clues in the right fashion.

I was too busy about arguing how the events of the people could have taken place when they were so ridiculous and made no sense, without trying to understand how the book was supposed to be read and what it was for.

People would try to tell me things, but in biblical terms.

That’s the gap, I don’t think Christians understand that other people genuinely do not understand the technobabble and jargon that goes along with understanding God.

I think it’s that way by design, in fact. This is why they’re called “blind” and “fools” – Which is why you should be more patient with them.

But a lot of Christians aren’t. They’ve very bold and forward. Very “THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. THIS MEANS THIS. IF YOU DON’T AGREE, FUCK YOU!”

And that’s scary, because that’s not what Christianity is about, yet you’re doing what God told you not to do. Using His “Name” in vein. Is what you’re doing working? Does it convert people? Does speaking about God and for God as if you know God personally, help another person grow closer to God? Or does it scare them? Mock them? Confuse them?

That’s what I’ve seen on the internet, and it’s been that way since the YouTube days I just spoke of.

Christians will say these type of learned and mimicked “apologetics” tactics they learned from other Christians. However, these are by people who are desperately trying to hold on to a view of God that is corrupt, or not fully understood. (Or possibly not even explained very well, intentionally and on purpose.)

Christianity is about the Truth. About being Royal.

What a lot of people miss is that it’s a story about True Royalty. The Highest Order. But that’s not the wrathful God we see in the Old Testament in the Torah by the Jews!

We see a different God. A more patient and understanding God.

Then what happens? They murder Him.

God knew it was going to happen, it’s like a “timelock” on events in existence.

This one event needed to happen, and always happens, in all timelines.

You may not understand the metaphysical way in how a God appeasing himself through his own essence does anything or makes a difference… But frankly, we don’t fully understand how God exists. They are pure will, data, essence, not limited by the real unless desired somehow.

The story, the Christ event, however you want to view it as either historical or a fable that may have existed in another time, another reality, or just… history lost.

I now see God as a constant friend and companion again. Someone I’m trying to get to know very hard. Because all the research and all I experienced, is that God is me. I am not God, but we are the same in essence, in the Holy Spirit.

I am not a trained King though yet, and that’s what God is putting me through. That’s what he puts us all through, because it’s fair. It’s just. Also, God plays the game with Us, don’t ask how or why. Just know that He does, and that’s sacred. That’s amazing. That means that he’s not separate, but is literally a part of our being.